How to manage relationship conflict in a healthy way…& strengthen your bond
Posted: February 16, 2023
By Athen Fisher, LMFT, ICEEFT Certified Therapist, Owner of Love Story Therapy
Whether it’s arguing about doing the dishes, finances or sex, conflict is a normal and unavoidable part of any long-term relationship. And while conflict may not be pleasant at times, the way you and your partner manage conflict can actually strengthen the bonds of your relationship and increase security, positive regard and connection. It’s kind of like working out. It may feel good to some, not so good to others, but the end results of a physical workout are improvements in mind and body. I think the side effects may be worth the discomfort.
Dr. Thao Ha, an expert in developmental psychology at ASU, has identified 9 steps for managing relationship conflict in a healthy way, backed by science. These are the steps, along with my tips for how to apply them in real time.
- Be respectful and honest.
- Remember, it’s not you against your partner. It’s you and your partner against the problem.
- Stick to one topic at a time.
- Consider writing down your thoughts before having a discussion with your partner.
- Practice active listening and paraphrase back to your partner.
- If the conversation is getting heated, step away and pick a time and place to discuss it again.
- Do something enjoyable together to reduce tension.
- Help with responsibilities without your partner’s awareness.
- Remind yourself what you love about your partner and tell them.