You are enough. You have always been enough. Just as you are. The messy, put together, falling apart, anxious, secure, resilient, resourceful, adaptive, beautiful, succeeding, failing, perfectly imperfect human. You always were, and you are now. Can you let that in?
Today, right now, however you are showing up, is enough. The inner critic wants to come out. The imposter syndrome, feeling like “if they only knew what I’m really like or could see the inside, they would see I’m a fraud, I’m not all put together.” The most amazing relationship and individual examples I have seen are of people really messing it up, screwing it up, getting it wrong, and then learning, and then repairing and then getting it right, and doing that process all over again.
Life is a process. Love is a process. Self-love is a process. Healing is a process. Parenting is a process. A journey that often entails a battle and a fight every day, within or between, and hopefully some moments of calm, joy, purpose and meaning. If it was easy, we wouldn’t know to be grateful for those calm moments.
I think balance – especially “work/home life balance” – is a bullshit social construct. We don’t find balance all the time. I don’t think we will have ever “arrived” at the perfect lasting balance, yet I believe we can find balance in certain moments, and then in later moments, in the same day, week, month, we are off balance - teetering, overloaded, off kilter, overwhelmed. And then we can recenter and find our balance again and over and over again. I think people with positive outlooks know that there is balance to be found again, eventually, but do not expect joy, perfect results, perfect behavior, success, smoothness at every step of the way. They expect and know that the downs and ups are normal. I think happy people hold the hope of knowing that there will be joy, success, better days, moments, connection at some point in the future, around the corner, up ahead, even if they are not currently there. Because they’ve been here in the lows before, and they’ve been there in a better place before. There history gives them confidence that they are resilient, humans are resilient, and they can do hard things. They also allow the good things and let the light in when they arrive and are present, and are grateful for those moments.
Another very important piece of “okayness”, happiness, and contentment is gratitude for things in the present and in the past, Gratitude for living in the United States of America, a country where we have freedoms and choice and opportunity, in spite of the political flaws and how tumultuous the political environment is right now. Gratitude for life and for new beginnings, that the sun typically comes up each day in the morning, no matter what we have done, what has happened or who we are. Gratitude for humor, things that make us laugh, and pleasure, things that heighten and peak our sense and enjoyment. Gratitude for relationships, the partners, children, coworkers, clients, friends, family members, supports that we can reach to in our lives, that give us connection. Gratitude for our bodies, that move, that are breathing, that keep living, that can survive and move and think and embrace. Gratitude for past experiences, good and bad, that have taught us, shaped us, and made us who we are today, and for learning and education – opportunities to expand our hearts and minds and see things in new light, grow and change. You fill in the list, it could go on and on.
I wish I could say it’s all up from here, but more likely, it’s all up and down, down and up from here. Existing is hard work. Surviving, harder. Thriving, the hardest. A beautiful part of psychotherapy is that the therapist comes alongside you and can hold space and room for you on this life journey. This self growth journey. This relationship journey. This parenting journey. This career, love, family journey. When we are not alone, we can face anything. We are made for connection and need to lean on others at times (and they on us). We are human. We are messy. We are beautiful.
Written By: Athen Fisher, MAS, LMFT
Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist